Jao312

I am not an organized person.
I do things when I feel the need or enthusiasm.
Things always change, accidents always happen, why plan ?
having plans is like setting constraint for me.
So, planners have been more like decoration in my backpack.

Lately, my red planner got "activated".
Taking two courses, teaching three discussion sections, doing two projects, running back and forth between two labs, teaching an undergrad in lab,
plus unchangeable rate of having accidents, like losing my jacket, exceeding credit account balance ( I
accidentally paid too much more than my balance), forgetting my health insurance,
a lot of this and that occupied my life...and my planner.

Although life is so busy, I feel lively and motivated.
I have been wondering why.
My guess is that because my life is intervened with other peoples'.
For some reason, human factors always affect me greatly.
For example, I don't like to set plans for myself.
But I am more than happy to execute plans with "other people".
I can never motivate myself to get up at 8am. But if I have an appointment or meeting
with others at 8am, it is quite unlikely for me to miss it.
For example, I can hardly motivate myself to work hard.
But if there are others involved in the work, it is easy for me to work more than 12 hours a day.
So, over all, I am satisfied with the way I'm being busy.
Thanks to all those people around me.

Back to my planner. If I had never used a planner, why did I get one in the first place?
The story happened in summer...people in my lab were talking about getting planners.
I was there doing experiments, having no idea what they were talking about.
But I did not ask...cause there were just too many things I wouldn't know what they were talking about.
Suddenly, some one asked me, " so, do you want a planner?"
Curious enough, I said yes...that's how I got my red planner in the first place.

Ok, now, it's bitching time, as usual.
Nothing is perfect. Neither is having an active planner.
Sometimes I get tired and troubled that I just want to ignore my planner.
Moreover, when weekends come, I open my planner and feel like a stranger to myself.
For the entire week, my mind is occupied by one task after another.
Suddenly, bang, it's weekend. The only thing left is my planner and me.
It makes me feel like being in a typhoon night with no electricity.
The colorful world no longer exists.
All I can see is my finger tips, all I can hear is my heart beat, all I can feel is the air around me
overwhelmed by (fed up with??) too much of myself, this is time I ask myself-
what's the meaning of having an active planner.

Because my lab ordered planners together, I can see the twins of my red planner in lab every day.
It's kinda funny too see others' planners laying around.
It's just like watching another life hidden and trembling under the same cover like mine
I wonder what's marked down in other's calendar
just like sometimes I wonder if they occasionally feel like being in the dark typhoon night like me

No typhoon here. Just snow. Ice. White. and Cold.
So I guess I am lucky. It is never too cold in typhoon nights.

1. An old guy in the gym asked me for help. He bought some brush made by Jade on Ebay from china. The jade broke into pieces in front of him when he received it. He wanted to file a lawsuit to fight with the chinese government that gave certificate to the jade brush. He wanted me to translate the certificate for him. Actually I wanted to tell him to forget it. I wouldn't believe anything, or any certificate, from china at all. ja

2. Some stupid undergrads stopped me on the street asking for a chat/date. I just walked away, not even bothered to tell them I was old enough to be their mom. I feel very very old...so old that all those undergrads start to look like monkeys to me. I probably once jumped around and looked like a monkey, but not any more.

3. I attended several free gym classes. Now I truely think it's more important to be physically "fit", instead of just being thin. In those classes, a lot of American girls are by no means "thin" in Taiwanese standards. But they are really "fit" (or you can call that "strong"). They had no problems lifting weight, jumping ups and downs, and following the instructor, while I was half dead, trying to "touch fish (muo-yu)" all the time.

4. Its getting really cold in Ann Arbor, like 5'C outside at night. According to people in my lab, " hey, it's fall already. It can get worse!" :( :( :( I want my summer back.

5. I think my boss is a really cute person. I don't mean he looks cute like movie stars. But he has really cute personality. Firstly, he is always very calm and laid-back when you talk to him. But if you look closer into his big blue eyes, you can see the sharpness and smartness hidden behind. To put it in another way, he is so smart and successful. But at the same time, he is so humble and friendly, like a college student sitting at the back of the classroom with no intention to cause any unnecessary attention. Because he is so quiet in public, especially for a big name like him, most people would have the impression that he is "shy" and "serious". So, it is actually hard for most people to imagine that he can be passionate and fun. For example, before I joined this lab, the psych. secretary actually warned me that he could be hard to talk with cause he was so quite and shy. So the first time I heard him humming when making coffee, my jaw almost dropped. Later on, I started to have the chance to see his passionate side. For example, I showed him some histology pictures which I thought were quite dumb and far from final results yesterday. But as usual, he was very encouraging and started to describe what I can try next. It was actually quite entertaining to hear him making weird sound when talking about adjusting focus of the microscope, or to hear him using the analogy of stars in the sky to describe neurons (@@ was he trying to make my potentially miserable future seem more interesting?). He even told me that I could do a bit each time, and I can stop any time I feel tired. (@@ @@ hm...i believe this implies what I have to do is gonna be tedious). Although my future task may be terribly tiring, I feel the passion from my boss. He has never asked any student about data any single time. And he has never questioned students about their progress. Students can even decide what time they want to come to the lab and how long they want to stay themselves. All my boss does is to be there when students want to or need to talk to him. If some one had told me about this kind of management earlier, I probably would laugh and thought it was way too ideal. But now I am here experiencing all these myself. Amazingly every one works hard and makes progress. Most important of all, every one is happy and does every thing out his own will, not because he feels the pressure or because he is asked to do so. I think this is all because my boss is a really cute person.

6. While scotland football team is beating other european nations, UM football team is being beaten badly. They lost the first two games to some unranked schools. On newspapers, there was a list of three things you should/should not talk about in ann arbor. "Michigan football" ranked the second, of course, on the list of things you should not talk about.

I had my first day of teaching today. I was not too nervous before the class because all I had to do was to go through the syllabus with students, and let them introduce themselves to the class. Plus, I was busy fighting with my last-minute report which was due today last night. So I did not really have the time or energy to worry about my first day of teaching.

But when the class really started, I was actually very nervous. I felt like sitting on the free-fall that I would throw my stomach up any time. I could hear my voice tremble when I said good morning to my 9 am class.But out of my expectation, the students were quite friendly. They laughed when I told them I liked to work out although I was not good at it (??? what's so funny about this?). And they smiled when I told them I liked animals (hm...not sure why). And they responded when I asked them if they had any questions. Before the class, our lab tech, who was an undergrad in U of M, warned me how bad the students could be. So, I went into the class expecting to see students falling asleep and not caring about what I said. But surprisingly, they all looked like good kids...hm..at least for today.

The class at 12pm was a bit of a nightmare. Students looked tired and hungry. I guess I should have let them stand up to introduce themselves before I actually talked about the boring syllabus. But generally speaking, like the first class, they were very friendly. They paid attention, they smiled, they looked like good kids.

My third class started at 1pm. Before the class, I thought I would get a class of devils that wanted to get out as soon as possible. I mean I was once young. I still clearly remember how difficult it was not to skip the Friday physiology class or to stay focused on Friday afternoon. But what happened was completely the opposite. I am not sure if it was because I made them do the introduction first, or because that was my third class already, this class turned out to be the best class I had. They laughed, they smiled, they had good interaction with me and other classmates, and they were all very focused. At the end of the class, several students actually said "thank you" or "thanks for the class" to me. Ouch, as a tiny little GSI (graduate student instructor) who had never taught before, those words easily won my heart. The students suddenly all looked like angels to me.

To be honest, as a GSI, I am not expecting my students to all love me or to like every thing I teach. All I hope is that they will learn SOMETHING and have some fun from my class. That something can even be the conclusion that they will never want to do neuroscience in their lives. When I asked them to introduce themselves to the class, so many of them gave an embarrassing smile and said, " I guess it is idiotic. But I am a junior and I still do not know what I want to do." They reminded me so much of my own struggle as a college student. So, I told them not to worry about it. Me and my friends were once like that. But if they keep trying, they will get closer and closer to what they like ( haha, actually this still applies to me now! who knows what I am going to do in the future!!!). And it is ok if they find themselves not liking biopsych. at the end of the class because we all are trying to figure out what we like or dislike. What I did not tell them was that all I hope to do, as a GSI, was to be able to offer some help.

That's the end of my first day of teaching. I believe all my students are good students, or they would not be in this school. They may get lazy, bored, or absent-minded sometimes (I have been there and done that!) But I still think we will have a good time in class!

Actually this part should be "cry full". I got lots of help from strangers. Although
I somehow agree with Jian Ze Ming's comment about Americans' being "too simple naive",
I have to admit they are generally friendly.

Cry Hungry part III started from a bus ride to the Mattress store on Washtenaw. After
being in the US for more than 2 years, that was my 3rd bus ride, also my 1st bus ride
alone. I nervously held the map and kept checking the bus route printed from the webpage.
For some reason, there were a lot of small stops not shown on the route map along the way.
For someone who had zero talent in direction recognition, I felt that the bus was taking
us to Mars.Worried about missing the lab meeting, the first one + the only one + the one
that made the whole lab change time because my Chicago trip, since I joined this lab,
I finally decided to seek help from the guy sitting next to me."Excuse me, do you know how
far we are from XXX road?" I asked. Suddenly, four people turned to me like I threw a
big stone that broke the peaceful atmosphere. I am too lazy to describe the detail. The
result turned out to be that the stop I should take off was on shown the route map at all.
So, one of them told me to just relax and he would keep me informed and ask the bus to
stop for me. Another of them went to the front to get a bus schedule for me and described
to me about how to use it. I was very touched. Without them, I could have ended up being
in the middle of nowhere!

After that, I called a taxi Van and planned to pick up my futon, table, chairs, and microwave
in three different places. I was very very very lucky to get a very friendly and kind woman
as driver. She not only drove me to those places but also helped me to carry those heavy stuff
from the store to the car..and even to the front of my apartment. I was very surprised because
that was not her job at all. Actually the longer we waited, the more she would make. But while
I was signing document at the cashier, she offered help to move my furniture without complaining.

While we were moving my furniture to the front of my apartment, a college kid walking by stopped
to help. That was another surprise.

At the end, I did catch up the lab meeting. I had a chat with another girl who was also moving
and hunting for furniture. She said sincerely, "let me know if you need help to move. I live on
XXX. I can definitely help you to move things upstairs." I was again very touched. I knew
I would not ask her for help. But to be honest, I never thought she would say so without hesitation
when I was crying hungry about moving.

It is never easy to ask for help. When unexpected help happens, I feel I am blessed, by ancestors,
by God, by the world. After all, I am a lucky one!

This is not the end of the story though. My apartment is still like a war field. That means
there will be Cry Hungry IV.... do I feel troubled or upset? Once in a while..for like 5 minutes,
but not more than that. In contrast, I quite cherish the opportunity to experience what a
true life is like here in Ann Arbor!

My lab mate sold the UMich VS. Ohio State football ticket to a friend for $700!
That's crazy!We can buy the tickets for like $25 or so. I asked them, "did you
say $700?" for like four or five times because I thought it was a mistake. I know
Michigan VS. Ohio State has always been popular, but I didn't know it was so crazy!
According to my lab mate, the tickets are so hard to get that people are willing to
pay A LOT to get them. Now I wish I had bought the tickets!!!!!! $700!!!! Geeeee!

After posting Cry Hungry party I, I walked to Salvation Army, which is a big market selling used stuff in the US. Things were even cheaper and clean there. I bought a bicycle, a bread machine, a leather high-back office chair, and two kitchen stuff for $100. Most important of all, people working in Salvation Army were really friendly, patient, and helpful. The way they treated customers was a lot better than many fancy stores. It was quite a special experience. Unlike Treasure Mart, which was packed with slim, tanned, well-dressed whites, you can find all kinds of people in Salvation Army. Latino families with lots of kids, overweight black people, cheap students, blue-collar workers, and of course some good looking people in nice clothes, are all in the same place. The only down side was their lack of furniture. So, I still didn't get my table.

Today I had my second visit to Salvation Army. I bought a sharp microwave ($10), and a stainless pot ($5 or 6, made in Taiwan! I somehow trusted it more than stuff made in China), and a simple cook book ($2, will i ever use it?) The place was packed because of Labor day. But..i still had no luck finding a good table.

Some one told me in my Cry Hungry part I, I seemed to be enjoying my new life here. Yes, I am doing my best to embrace every moment in Ann Arbor. Sometimes it could be really tiring and frustrating and making people want to Cry Hungry. All I have now is my legs and my arms. It took me half hour to walk from my place to Treasure Mart, and also half hour to Salvation Army. But the two places were in opposite directions. Thinking about the night I left Taipei, when I had a group of friends and my parents helping me to carry only two suitcases, I really wanted to sit down on the road side and drown myself in tears. But I keep reminding myself, this is what I have always wanted to do, to experience a different culture. In the bicycle shop, another student and I talked about which lock to buy. In Salvation Army, a guy asked me for suggestions about which computer monitor to buy. Unlike travelers who can only look at buildings, streets, and people on the street to imagine what a different life is like, I AM Living here, alive. Of course I can just go to IKEA and buy every thing I want. But it just doesn't feel right. When you are young, you do backpacking, you sleep in cheap hotels, you stack up your kitchen when things go on big sales, you get excited when there is free food, and of course, you visit places like salvation army. Sometimes I wonder how developmental psychologists would explain such phenomenon. Is it so that people can brag to their friends and children about crazy things they have done when being young? I know many students who are from families that can easily afford expensive products still do so. They remind me over and over again that I am not alone.

The journey of cry hungry hasn't stopped. I have been sleeping on plastic bags and blue pads (I stole them from lab. They are thin cotton sheet we use to wrap rats up). I do have a futon that's still in the store. But I am still negotiating with my landlord about the dirty carpet (this is another story). Before I am certain about what's going to happen to the floor, I have no plan to unpack or to move tables in.

Enough Cry Hungry, life is still good. Today I had the best Pizza I have ever had in Ann Arbor in Silvo. Unlike most over-flavored, greasy, salty American pizzas, the Margaretta pizza I had was topped with fresh cheese and flavorful sauce. The dough had crunchy crust and elastic inning, and it didn't leave terrible grease on the plate at all. Although the price was twice higher and the size of the slice was 50% smaller, the pizza was worth every cent. Among all the Pizza places, which include Pizza House, Cottage In, Backroom, In'n out, Damino's, Pizza Hut, Zas's NYPD, some unknown pizza places, Silvo will be my first choice if I want pizza next time. Actually not just pizza, their dessert, pasta, and bread looked fantastic as well. The only bad thing was probably that I couldn't understand the italian owner's English ...when he tried to explain to me about his bread and pizzas.

Life is like music. Despite crying hungry sometimes, I decide to play mine cheerful.

This is a "cry-hungry (cow-yao)" article.

Today I went to Treasure Mart, which is a famous store not far from farmer's market and sells used stuff. My landlords got all their furniture from the place and highly recommended it. Since I need table, chairs, microwave, coffee maker, knives, basically every thing, I decided to walk there. So, here is the story. On may way to the store, I made my first mistake- buying produce at farmer's market. I bought a bag of baby carrots and a bag of tomatoes. What's wrong with buying healthy, good quality, cheap food? Nothing's wrong...at least not until you have to carry them to the ridiculously crowded store. Thank to the football game and those monster-like undergrads who just got back to school. Treasure Mart was packed with people with middle-agers wearing ( is there such word? I made it up) "Michigan Mom" " Michigan Dad" T-shirts and white-headed people proudly wearing "Michigan Grandparent" stickers on their polo-shirts. The atmosphere was so different, almost way too funny, that I almost wanted to laugh. When living in the old apartment with those rich drunk party princess and prince, I felt like antique, like qualified to be buried in the grave. But being in the treasure mart with michigan parents and michigan grandparents is another story. Basically the highest and the only tip to get good stuff in treasure mart is to be fast, precise, and cold-hearted, like fighting. Surrounded by the older generations, I felt like an egg that wasn't even born...small, fragile, naive, and ready to be smashed. Ok, enough garbage. So, I saw a nice panasonic bread machine, which costs more than $100 in market but only $15 in treasure mart. I was thrilled..I always wanted one but had been hesitated because of the high price. But I told myself, "wait, fat Jao, let's focus on the table first. A table and chairs are why you're here today, remember?" Being very self-controlled, I kept hunting for my table. It was kinda like playing Japense "shan-pu". Every one walked around the circles..hunting, waiting to knock down others. Finally I found a decent folding table, which was exactly the size I need. I went to ask about the price. And they told me to wait for a second. So so so , the second mistake here was that I decided to go to the bathroom. Five minutes later, I was back to Treasure Mart...but...WHAT, some one just bought my table. THAT WAS MY TABLEEEEEE! Frustrated and tired, I went upstairs, wanted to pick up the bread machine, and found...dong dong dong...it was GONEEEEEEEE. SOLDDDDD. Some one took MYYY bread machine!!!!! I almost wanted to throw the heavy bag of tomatoes on whoever that got the table and the bread machine.

Did I buy anything? Yes, I walked out of the store with one stupid coffee maker. I do want to buy a coffee maker, the kind you pour water on the top, grind at the bottom, and press down the filter after a few minutes. I did not plan to buy a stupid Mr.Coffee coffee machine at all. Why did I buy it? I don't know. I guess I felt I needed something to prove the trip was not a waste of time. I was truely an egg after all, boiled and fried.

Life is full of suprises. I couldn't believe two things disappeared in front of my eyes in 10 minutes. But it is said that if a window is closed, God will open another one for you. So, what/where is my next window? The only way to find out is to keep walking.

Thanks for reading my "cry-hungry" article. Maybe your reading is the window I am waiting for. My voice is heard. My heart is touched. And now I am comforted.

"The room" (not "my room") is empty.
So am I.

Packing all I have into suitcases after suitcases
Throwing myself into life after life
sometimes I wonder if I am addicted to moving
so I can leave all the ugly, bad, and immoral behind
as if I can regain the purity of my mind and have a new life

I'm tired of moving
but I keep moving
like having obsessive-compulsive disorder
trying to get a hold of something
in the empty room
in the empty dark night
in the empty me

Mike is one of those american young kids we would see in high school clips.
He graduated from MIT, looks fearless, always has his headset hung on the neck,
and never speaks without that I-don't-care attitude. He's the technician in my previous lab.
A few days ago, I ran into him next to a big tank of rat beddings on the 5th floor.
We chatted about lab, moving, life in general,
Suddenly he said, "Lab is quiet. I don't meet any body every day.
I wake up, I go to work, I go home, I go for long walks
in the woods, see no body, talk to no body and then I go to bed.
I don't have friends. I am just not a friendly person.
And it's not like being in school. I don't have friends here."
He still had that half-joking half-serious careless attitude when saying these words.
But somehow these words stroke me badly.
I could almost felt them hitting my head and jumping on my stomach.
" Yea, I know what you mean 'cause I feel the same." I said to Mike.

Is this the price we have to pay as we grow older?
2nd brother is right. Life is just a bitch sometimes.
We struggle, we fight, for what?
Every one has his/her own answers.
To me, it's a feeling of self-content and permanent peace in mind,
in all environment, in all conditions.

Hope one day I will be successful, based on the above definition,
Cheers!

Under my studious-PhD student-skin
there lives a hippie in my soul
I believe in
world peace, social justice,
freedom of mind, passion for life,
being vegetarian and eco-friendly
is always more important than being materially rich to me
walking on the boundaries of standards and rules
trying to create memories and seeking meanings of life
maybe deep inside,there lives a hippie in my soul

After reading books from Dalai Lama, David told me I was a natural buddhist,
the first thing that came to my mind was having to wake up at 5 am
and no family

After reading a novel about hippies
I start to feel maybe there lives a hippie in my soul

buddhas and hippies?
Maybe they were good friends long ago?
hm...that would be an interesting scene to see...

started my week by chatting with my old buddy david
nice and sad

decided to walk to Aldridge lab to see recording
do I care ?
not really.
why going ?
cause no more sleeping through the day
every day can be a new day
and today is the day

besides rain's pouring
like helping my tears dropping

Good morning, Ann Arbor
Good night, Taipei

i heard my watch signaling midnight
luckily missed the 1 am tick
2am, 3am, 4am, 5am, finally I decided to get up at 5:56am
so I wouldn't hear another meaningless signal from my watch
tried counting sheep, tried listening to music, tried reading a novel, tried listening to news
just another day
Ann Arbor is raining and gray

somehow I miss my high school math problem sheet
it used to work the best in a situation like this
"do the math or sleep" i used to tell myself
and then I would pass out in the next 5 mins

Tired...indescribably tired...
slept more than 12 hours on Saturday
thought it would be better on Sunday
but ended up sleeping 18+ hours on Sunday
dreamed a lot
about my nephew speaking long sentences, my dog having leg problems,
about my friends...not doing anything
about me and my sister joining my parents in a Chinese restaurant

Tired..indescribably tired...
what are my dreams telling me
what is my body telling me
what is my mind thinking
indescribably tired is the only thing

it is stupid to say so
but sometimes i wish things were different
like I don't have to be so indescribably tired

My ASUS laptop is broken again. It keeps turning on and off itself. The quality of ASUS laptop is really like "eggs", not "rocks". So, I have no laptop and no internet at home again.

I am back to Ann Arbor. Again, I am having bad jet lag. The funny thing is I never had jet-lag when I went back to Taiwan from Ann Arbor. But I always had jet lag when I came back to Ann Arbor from Taipei. I think it's because of what they call "psychological conditions affect physiological conditions". Every time I went back to Taipei, my heart was back to Taipei immediately. So I had no problem adjusting to the local time and weather. But every time I came back to Ann Arbor, I felt that I'd lost my heart in Taipei. How can I live in Ann Arbor while my heart is still in Taipei?! Not possible. No meanings. No motivation.

The devil in my heart says, "what's so good about living in the US? The only thing you have is the extra weight you gain from the good food in Taipei. Inconvenient life, boring streets, no dog, no family, few friends." But the angel in my heart says, " there are lovely parts about life in Ann Arbor. All you have to do is to dig them out and to have faith."

"Ok, fine. Since I can not escape, I should just open my heart and embrace every little bit of my life in Ann Arbor. I am only here for a few more years. Whatever I do will become great memories in the future. Yes, Ann Arbor, here I come!" I think to myself. "

Is tomorrow gonna be better? I reckon maybe...

洗衣服真的是很討厭的一件事情
丟下去洗 四十分鐘後去拿起來 換丟去烘 四十分鐘後再去拿起來
東托西托 為數不等的天數後再摺衣服
過程真的很無聊又很零碎繁瑣 完全符合我討厭的事情的典型

不過顯然我不孤獨
哈哈 因為當實驗室的人如果某天穿著奇異風格地出現
像是忽然穿西裝 忽然穿格子衫
通常就是因為正常的衣服都穿光了正在洗

唉唉唉 又到了要洗衣服的時候
舒服的抹布裝都穿完了 現在已經剩下略有造型的衣服
再不洗就要穿辣妹裝去學校了
唉唉 不過我想先睡覺明天再早起洗衣服好了

最近都好懶得寫文章, 來個簡單的"大頭狗建功"文.

我在台灣有一台用1400NT買來的小粉紅腳踏車, 每天風吹日曬雨淋地陪我往返
家中到學校, 總區到醫學院, 台北車站, 西門町, 幾乎騎得到的距離我都會秉持"
省錢環保又健康"的信念騎小粉紅前往, 甚至一大早在善導寺考托福都是早已沒有煞
車的小粉紅陪我一塊去的(沿路腳煞造成的車況比考試還刺激!).

我畢業後, 小粉紅就薪火相傳地由兇猛豬妹妹接手. 可是兇猛豬再兇猛畢竟是豬,
某一天就發現小粉紅被偷了. 當時我們還悵然了一會.

不久前, 我在豬的畢業拍照上, 發現小粉紅的身影."豬豬豬,小粉紅不是被偷了
嗎?"我問, 我是在台大小福買下小粉紅的, 那是常態性販售的車款, 也就是說, 整
個校園不知有多少小粉紅的巒生兄弟姊妹, 我以為豬去買了另一台車.豬回答說,"不
是呀, 不久前找回來了." "這麼神奇!" "對呀, 爸爸的大頭狗建功了" "什麼大頭狗?"
我聽得一頭霧水,"爸爸有一次買東西送大頭狗貼紙, 就把小粉紅貼滿了大頭狗."豬說,
"嗄?!哈哈,這不是小學生才會幹的事情?"我覺得很好笑,"對阿,當初還被我罵."豬
果然是很兇猛,不過我可以想見,如果在台大校園迎面出現一台貼滿大頭狗的腳踏車,
我心理大概會想:裝什麼可愛,俗死了! 所以也不難理解當初豬的無奈. 沒想到不久前
豬的同學走在校園, 發現路邊有台車怎麼貼滿大頭狗, 心中就忽然想到了豬丟掉的
小粉紅, 經過豬的確認, 小粉紅就重回我們的懷抱了.

以台大腳特車的密度和東倒西歪的程度, 若不是爸爸的大頭狗貼紙, 小粉紅就
無法神采飛揚地連續出現在我們姊妹倆的畢業紀念照中了, 爸爸的大頭狗建功!!

文章的重點其實是, 我真的有一個很有趣的爸爸, 會在日常生活中不按牌理出
牌地製造很多新意和樂趣(這還只是在我們有發覺的範疇), 幾個和我比較熟的外國
朋友, 都不約而同地用"observant" "curious"來形容我, 每次聽到我都小小驚
訝, 因為我從來沒有把自己歸類成"observant" "curious", 畢竟和我爸相比,
我簡直可以用缺乏好奇心和觀察力遲鈍來形容阿!

很多事情很多人 都是come and go
但上帝永遠會為我們打開另一扇窗
只要真心擁抱生命的每個轉彎 向下走
美麗的花朵會在未來的園地裡處處開放
一值都是如此

於是今晨在心田裡埋下過去點滴的種子 用珍珠般的靈魂之泉灌溉
決定要充滿信心地耐心等待

kyle要去boston當postdoc,我要接續kyle的project,星期五
我 kyle 老闆討論到有什麼技術需要轉移的,老闆想了想就問我
還有沒有興趣做電生理,還跟我說可以不用立刻決定,先去和我們
合作電生理的實驗室邊看邊學,再想想喜不喜歡.

想我不久前還在MSN的網誌憑弔了離我而去的電生理,沒想到只是
小別了三個月, 這三個月中還有一個月在考資格考啥實驗都沒做,
路轉著轉著,這麼快就又要和電生理重逢了.

我一直都希望有機會再做電生理,只是新的技術都還半生不熟,感覺
現在就要求再碰電生理似乎太自以為是 太貪心了,不過既然老闆主
動offer這個機會,還是不用commit到任何project的自由玩耍型
態, 簡直就像天鵝肉掉到了賴蛤蟆嘴邊, 還附上了刀叉碗筷湯匙任
君選用, 偷笑都來不及了怎麼會拒絕.

嗯, 希望這次和電生理是小別勝新歡,在新的時空場景下能舊情復燃,
有一番新的氣象.

David說, 他回家後會想念這裡的"朋友", 那和
家鄉的"朋友"是很不同的. 我心有悽悽焉地點點頭.

說穿了, 英文再好, 在美國我們永遠都是外國人.
而這種"外國人"的身分, 也連到影響到我們的生活圈.
當我們再自己家鄉的時候, "家人" "朋友" "同事" 是
三個完全獨立的生活圈, 沒有交集, 但是一離開了家鄉,
忽然間這三者間的界線模糊了, 每個認識的人, 幾乎都
身兼三職, 又像家人 又像同事 又像朋友.


回到實驗室後, 我和實驗室的technician討論
起某個實驗流程, technician提醒我"下星期我和
很多人都會不在喔, 是holiday week." 我愣了一
下,"是什麼holiday?" "喔, 是July 4th呀, 國慶日."
我完全沒有意識到下星期日美國國慶, July 4th只有
在看ID4的時候比較有意義, 除此之外完全就和一般日
子一樣, 有種和我沒啥關係的疏離感.

後來想起拿著月曆和tech.對話的橋段, 忽然間
就很想大笑,哈哈,有點驕傲自己可以如此理所當然地無
知和藐視美國國慶. 只是那是半自嘲有點苦澀是局外人
半驕傲自己不是俗又大碗美國文化下產物的的複雜笑容,
嗚呼, 外國人萬歲, 又辛苦又慶幸又疑惑又驕傲!

I just found my one-year-old powerbook was stolen. How can that happen..i remember I did lock
my locker in the students' office. fuck. I hope the thief got hit by a car and die tomorrow.
Heartache. :( don't like it :( hate it :(( My family will need an apartment with elevator. Now
I'm full of hatred. :( fuck. :(