I am not an organized person.
I do things when I feel the need or enthusiasm.
Things always change, accidents always happen, why plan ?
having plans is like setting constraint for me.
So, planners have been more like decoration in my backpack.

Lately, my red planner got "activated".
Taking two courses, teaching three discussion sections, doing two projects, running back and forth between two labs, teaching an undergrad in lab,
plus unchangeable rate of having accidents, like losing my jacket, exceeding credit account balance ( I
accidentally paid too much more than my balance), forgetting my health insurance,
a lot of this and that occupied my life...and my planner.

Although life is so busy, I feel lively and motivated.
I have been wondering why.
My guess is that because my life is intervened with other peoples'.
For some reason, human factors always affect me greatly.
For example, I don't like to set plans for myself.
But I am more than happy to execute plans with "other people".
I can never motivate myself to get up at 8am. But if I have an appointment or meeting
with others at 8am, it is quite unlikely for me to miss it.
For example, I can hardly motivate myself to work hard.
But if there are others involved in the work, it is easy for me to work more than 12 hours a day.
So, over all, I am satisfied with the way I'm being busy.
Thanks to all those people around me.

Back to my planner. If I had never used a planner, why did I get one in the first place?
The story happened in summer...people in my lab were talking about getting planners.
I was there doing experiments, having no idea what they were talking about.
But I did not ask...cause there were just too many things I wouldn't know what they were talking about.
Suddenly, some one asked me, " so, do you want a planner?"
Curious enough, I said yes...that's how I got my red planner in the first place.

Ok, now, it's bitching time, as usual.
Nothing is perfect. Neither is having an active planner.
Sometimes I get tired and troubled that I just want to ignore my planner.
Moreover, when weekends come, I open my planner and feel like a stranger to myself.
For the entire week, my mind is occupied by one task after another.
Suddenly, bang, it's weekend. The only thing left is my planner and me.
It makes me feel like being in a typhoon night with no electricity.
The colorful world no longer exists.
All I can see is my finger tips, all I can hear is my heart beat, all I can feel is the air around me
overwhelmed by (fed up with??) too much of myself, this is time I ask myself-
what's the meaning of having an active planner.

Because my lab ordered planners together, I can see the twins of my red planner in lab every day.
It's kinda funny too see others' planners laying around.
It's just like watching another life hidden and trembling under the same cover like mine
I wonder what's marked down in other's calendar
just like sometimes I wonder if they occasionally feel like being in the dark typhoon night like me

No typhoon here. Just snow. Ice. White. and Cold.
So I guess I am lucky. It is never too cold in typhoon nights.


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