目前日期文章:200802 (8)

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My new office is on the hallway where all faculty's offices are and right next to the mail room.
The location is bad in the way that people walk by all the time.
But on the other hand, the location is good that
a lot of strange and unusual chats happened during my very little time there.

Today, I finally pulled myself out of my garage-like shoe box apartment and went to school around 2pm.
While I was still busy taking off all my coat, hat, and gloves, the German professor walked by.
Without giving too much thought, I said, "Good morning!" to him, in a probably just-wake-up tone.
Right after saying so, I was suddenly all awake, almost wanted to kill myself.
"What the hell did you just do...
laziness is a sin to the German,
and you said good morning to him at 2 p.m.???" I mumbled to myself.
"Haha, isn't it too late to say good morning now?" the German prof. stuck his head into my office.
"Oh, yeah, I meant to say good afternoon...but it feels like morning."
Right after replying, I wanted to kill myself even more..
"Gosh, the answer obviously revealed I had been doing nothing but sleeping."
i thought to myself.
I could almost see myself being failed by the German professor,
if I end up having him on my thesis committee.
"Haha, you missed all the excitement yesterday !!" the German professor
decided to walk into my office to chat about the exciting robbery
that happened on the hallway before I got in yesterday.
Thank to the strange location of my pffice.
I ended up having another strange chat.

English is too difficult :(
I can not have full control over it with the precision I like.
Usually my brain doesn't function fast enough and I end up giving
stupid but honest answers...like "oh, it feels like morning" at 2 pm.

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My sister was telling me why she didn't want to do group project with some classmates.
I realized one important thing I learned here was how not to bring stress to others.

To be more specific,
we want to work hard, to give good advice, to show we are knowledgeable (or at least not dump),
but we don't want what we do to make others feel stressed.
I think the key is to stay calm, patient, and slow-paced.
We want to work hard, but not to be too stingy about time we can spend on conversations.
We want to give good advice, but not to forget to listen patiently.
We want to be knowledgeable, but not to overload others with information.

Or to be more general,
we want others to feel comfortable talking to us, asking us questions, or simply sitting and
standing around us.
I think the key is the way we hold ourself.
We want to ask ourselves whether we are comfortable "being with ourselves".
To put it in another way,
we want to examine the way we act from a third person point of view,
to see if that's what you would want to experience.
For example,
Do you want to stand next to someone who's anxious?
Do you want to work with someone who's always in a rush and wants to "get things done"?

I'm learning...and hoping I will become someone thats patient, soothed, and fun to be with.

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Most of my friends know my dad.
This is probably nothing special, since we all have dads.
What's special is that most of my friends think I have a super smart and nice dad.
Obviously I can not take credits on such fact, although I have been proud of it.
All i can do is to say "Happy Birthday, my dear dad" today.

Happy birthday, dad. :)

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One girl came to me to talk about her term paper after class.
She had some difficulties and was going to discuss them with my adviser, who's teaching the course.
But before that, she wanted to know my opinions.

The girl told me she wanted to write about "the existence of difference races is to support the survival of a specific race (white people)".
The girl didn't talk about it in an aggressive or challenging way.
But when I first heard about it, I thought to myself, " What what what? What did you just say?
Are you sure you want to discuss this with me, who's obviously a non-white?"
So, we had a conversation about what she should do, in a very professional way.
I actually found the whole thing funny rather than offensive
cause I had to talk about it like a third person,
as if I were colorless, not black, white, or yellow.

My adviser came into lab in the afternoon (as usual).
He mentioned to me about his meeting with the student.
Being a walking library, my adviser actually knew people doing research on this.
I was very curious to know what others had said about this topic.
But I was reluctant to ask more.
I did not want to go too deep into the conversation, a bit worried that
people might overreact to my opinions or questions,
given the fact that I'm the only non-white in lab.

Teaching is tiring, but it can also be unforgettable, like the experience I had today.

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I was surprised to hear how people made up data and got kicked out.
It happened not only in my current lab but also in other labs.
Why would people ever want to do so in the first place?
I think to PIs, false data is way way way worse than negative data.
It can lead to great damages to their reputation and career.
So, although my data looks ugly, at least it's showing my honesty!

I really appreciated my advisor's always being positive and encouraging.
I actually wasn't too upset.
I just wish I had done the right things.
Cheers, boss, to my ugly yet honest data!

p.s. still in the hell of data analysis...so, meow.

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I must be a cat...the one that got killed.

After crazy rat testing, now it's crazy data anlysis.
To be honest, my gut feeling tells me the results aren't good.
But I still want to know the results...

I want to know the results because I'm curious.
But i don't want to know the results because I know they are disappointing.


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For both Chinese new year's eve and Chinese new year's day,
I was on crazy rat running schedule.
Although I did not celebrate, not even make it to Tomato's hot pot party,
I still feel I had a pretty good new year.
(if the time our stupid racist lab tech. was around didn't count)

The first thing that touched me was the help from my two undergrads, Ben and Chris.
Here in the UMich, they can take lab course which requires them to work in lab 10 hours per week.
Because of the super tight schedule, I was more harsh than normal.
Although I tried to be more patient, I wouldn't deny if you called me a irrational jerk today.
Ben, who is planning to come 13 hours this week already, offered another
2.5 hours of help today. He said, " I can come after my exam. I plan to skip the class. It is
not all that important. There is a lot to do (for the experiment). And you probably need
help." Although I insisted him going to the class, I was all touched, especially after
screaming and correcting him all the time for the whole morning. Chris helped
me to run experiments till evening. When the experiment was done, I told him it was probably
past the time he was supposed to be in already. He replied, "that's fine. I don't
care. I can help you finish this." Again, I was about to melt, especially given the fact
that it was 7:30 pm already. After starting the day with holiday blue,
the two kids really made my day.

I also wanted to thank my lab mates. I can't think of anything specific to thank.
It was probably the short conversation we had about the Chinese new year next to our
candy basket, or the way they were friendly to me when I was rushing in and out
hoping to have 8 arms, or the way they checked on me to make sure I got the help I
needed. Their being nice and friendly, just simply that, made my Chinese new year's
day delighted.

My boss offered some sweet elements to my Chinese New Year's day as well.
In the evening, he came in to have a short conversation with me about the Chinese
new year. He told me he used to go to China town on Chinese new year's day
when he was an undergrad in UC Davis. "Really?" I was very surprised. " Oh
yes, every year, to see parades and then to have dinner in Chinese restaurants."
My boss is the type of person that wears European style clothes, loves cheese and
wine, speaks softly, and is always very thoughtful, just like an European gentlman.
The image of him being a silly undergrad standing in the crowd watching
dancing lions and dragons amused me. To be honest, I'd always assumed that my
boss ( or most Americans) were ignorant about Asia. Knowing that he used
to "celebrate Chinese new year (these are exactly the words he used)" somehow
made me feel warm hearted, especially after dealing with the racist lab tech.

I had a long lab day. Nothing Chinese. Nothing new year.
I admit the day started with holiday blue, but now looking back,
I feel I had a happy chinese new year's day.
Oh, I did wear red on purpose today, just to create a little bit
"Chinese new year" atmosphere for myself.
What's it gonna be like when I think about all these Chinese New years in
Ann Arbor in the future? White, snowy, and quiet.
Happy new year, Ann Arbor. Happy new year, Taipei.
Happy new year, alone but peaceful, to myself.

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I was really tired today, well, maybe also a bit bored.
Those rats must have known today was Chinese new year's eve.
They didn't not want to cooperate with me at all.
At one point, I really wanted to grab a red pen,
painted them all red,
and yelled, " Happy new year, my buddy.
Let's throw data way.
It's time for party!"

I am tired.
Not physically tired.
But tired of being stupid and ignorant of the field.
I want to read, to think, and to become knowledgeable.

I am tired.
Not from running big badges of rats.
But from not using my heart and brain.
I miss good chats,
chats about science,
chats about life,
chats that make my thoughts and feelings flow.

I'm tired.
not because of coming to lab every day.
but because of not being intellectual, understanding, or thoughtful.

If i could paint all rats red, I would not have so much complaint.
Happy Chinese new year, all.
for whom I miss dearly.
Tomorrow will be better.
So will next year be!

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