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  • Aug 28 Tue 2007 12:06
  • Empty

"The room" (not "my room") is empty.
So am I.

Packing all I have into suitcases after suitcases
Throwing myself into life after life
sometimes I wonder if I am addicted to moving
so I can leave all the ugly, bad, and immoral behind
as if I can regain the purity of my mind and have a new life

I'm tired of moving
but I keep moving
like having obsessive-compulsive disorder
trying to get a hold of something
in the empty room
in the empty dark night
in the empty me

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Mike is one of those american young kids we would see in high school clips.
He graduated from MIT, looks fearless, always has his headset hung on the neck,
and never speaks without that I-don't-care attitude. He's the technician in my previous lab.
A few days ago, I ran into him next to a big tank of rat beddings on the 5th floor.
We chatted about lab, moving, life in general,
Suddenly he said, "Lab is quiet. I don't meet any body every day.
I wake up, I go to work, I go home, I go for long walks
in the woods, see no body, talk to no body and then I go to bed.
I don't have friends. I am just not a friendly person.
And it's not like being in school. I don't have friends here."
He still had that half-joking half-serious careless attitude when saying these words.
But somehow these words stroke me badly.
I could almost felt them hitting my head and jumping on my stomach.
" Yea, I know what you mean 'cause I feel the same." I said to Mike.

Is this the price we have to pay as we grow older?
2nd brother is right. Life is just a bitch sometimes.
We struggle, we fight, for what?
Every one has his/her own answers.
To me, it's a feeling of self-content and permanent peace in mind,
in all environment, in all conditions.

Hope one day I will be successful, based on the above definition,
Cheers!




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Under my studious-PhD student-skin
there lives a hippie in my soul
I believe in
world peace, social justice,
freedom of mind, passion for life,
being vegetarian and eco-friendly
is always more important than being materially rich to me
walking on the boundaries of standards and rules
trying to create memories and seeking meanings of life
maybe deep inside,there lives a hippie in my soul

After reading books from Dalai Lama, David told me I was a natural buddhist,
the first thing that came to my mind was having to wake up at 5 am
and no family

After reading a novel about hippies
I start to feel maybe there lives a hippie in my soul

buddhas and hippies?
Maybe they were good friends long ago?
hm...that would be an interesting scene to see...



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started my week by chatting with my old buddy david
nice and sad

decided to walk to Aldridge lab to see recording
do I care ?
not really.
why going ?
cause no more sleeping through the day
every day can be a new day
and today is the day

besides rain's pouring
like helping my tears dropping

Good morning, Ann Arbor
Good night, Taipei

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i heard my watch signaling midnight
luckily missed the 1 am tick
2am, 3am, 4am, 5am, finally I decided to get up at 5:56am
so I wouldn't hear another meaningless signal from my watch
tried counting sheep, tried listening to music, tried reading a novel, tried listening to news
just another day
Ann Arbor is raining and gray

somehow I miss my high school math problem sheet
it used to work the best in a situation like this
"do the math or sleep" i used to tell myself
and then I would pass out in the next 5 mins


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Tired...indescribably tired...
slept more than 12 hours on Saturday
thought it would be better on Sunday
but ended up sleeping 18+ hours on Sunday
dreamed a lot
about my nephew speaking long sentences, my dog having leg problems,
about my friends...not doing anything
about me and my sister joining my parents in a Chinese restaurant

Tired..indescribably tired...
what are my dreams telling me
what is my body telling me
what is my mind thinking
indescribably tired is the only thing

it is stupid to say so
but sometimes i wish things were different
like I don't have to be so indescribably tired

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My ASUS laptop is broken again. It keeps turning on and off itself. The quality of ASUS laptop is really like "eggs", not "rocks". So, I have no laptop and no internet at home again.

I am back to Ann Arbor. Again, I am having bad jet lag. The funny thing is I never had jet-lag when I went back to Taiwan from Ann Arbor. But I always had jet lag when I came back to Ann Arbor from Taipei. I think it's because of what they call "psychological conditions affect physiological conditions". Every time I went back to Taipei, my heart was back to Taipei immediately. So I had no problem adjusting to the local time and weather. But every time I came back to Ann Arbor, I felt that I'd lost my heart in Taipei. How can I live in Ann Arbor while my heart is still in Taipei?! Not possible. No meanings. No motivation.

The devil in my heart says, "what's so good about living in the US? The only thing you have is the extra weight you gain from the good food in Taipei. Inconvenient life, boring streets, no dog, no family, few friends." But the angel in my heart says, " there are lovely parts about life in Ann Arbor. All you have to do is to dig them out and to have faith."

"Ok, fine. Since I can not escape, I should just open my heart and embrace every little bit of my life in Ann Arbor. I am only here for a few more years. Whatever I do will become great memories in the future. Yes, Ann Arbor, here I come!" I think to myself. "

Is tomorrow gonna be better? I reckon maybe...

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